Regrets

I have a problem.

I have known about this problem for a while. Maybe about 10 years or so. It's a problem that has its ups and downs. Mostly downs. It gets me into trouble. Makes me feel bad inside. Gets me into fights with the people I love. Takes me away from the things I cherish most.

I need to get better. For good. Not just a year or so but forever more.

I can't say no.

I am a member of KCMTA again this year. And I **agreed** to handle the Multi-Piano enrollments for the big concert in February. The deadline is October 31. I have about 30 people emailing me all day asking me for this or that or whatnot. I knew that the baby was due the same time. And what did I do? I said "SURE!! I'D LOVE TO BE IN CHARGE OF THAT! I CAN HANDLE THAT! NO PROBLEM!" Well, I have regrets.

I don't want to do it anymore-- but only because I don't think I'm doing my best. The "boss" lady was supposed to call and chat it up with me today about things, and I'm going to bed instead.

I need a constant reminder that when people ask me to do stuff-- big stuff, I need to really think about it. Is this what I want to do? For real? Can I do it without feeling overwhelmed or stressed out? Can I do it to the best of my ability?

Needless to say, MP will be great and I will do a fine job. It's just not a "Tenessa-Fine" job. You know what I mean.